4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
My husband and I separated on Easter weekend. We remain separated today. As Mother’s Day approaches this weekend, I find myself reflecting on my marriage, my children, and my family as a whole. Or as its separate pieces, really. My marriage to my husband is one piece of the puzzle. My role as the mother of my two biological children is another piece of the puzzle. And my role as the step-mother of my husband’s son is another piece of the puzzle. I have spent the last few months trying to determine if, in fact, the pieces of the puzzle actually fit together.
I know I love my husband, my children, and my step-son, but do we all fit together? It’s hard to say at this point. As my husband and I continue to talk through our marriage, our separation, and our hopeful reunion, we wonder… what is the glue? Is it love? Is it patience? Is it hope? Or is it some complicated concoction of all of these things?
I have made a new friend recently who is going through a very difficult separation from her husband. Her separation actually makes my separation feel like a piece of cake. But yet, I still can’t seem to find the magic formula to fix my marriage. The positive thing that I have learned from getting to know her and her situation is that I DO love my husband and want to fix our marriage, whatever it takes. The negative thing that I have learned from her situation is that sometimes, love just may not be enough.
There has to be more than love. There has to be a desire to cultivate and grow that love. To nurture that love. A belief in that love. The need to do whatever it takes to keep that love from dying.
I hope with all of my heart that my husband and I will find a way to fit the pieces of our lives back together. One at a time. For the love of each other and of our children.