And we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming…

I was all set to post tonight about the possibility of reincarnation and communicating with the dead, when something very real brought me back to this realm.  My 8-year-old, Zachary, was in rare form tonight and was not his usual, happy self.  I know he was bullied by a couple of 4th grade boys a couple of days ago, but he came home tonight and told me that school went fine today, so I didn’t think his attitude had anything to do with bullying.  I was giving him and his 2-year-old brother, William, a bath later tonight when Zach busted out with “You don’t do a good enough job trying to be a mom to both of us.”  Um, excuse me?  Did I just hear that correctly?  Wait, let me clean out my ears and repeat that, please.  Sure enough, I had heard him correctly.  Whoa, I thought.  This is huge.  And I didn’t really know how to respond.  I told him that I tried to do the best that I could and that some days were harder than others (especially now that my husband and I are voluntarily separated – but that’s another post).  To which he replied that I didn’t do good enough and then broke out into tears.

I have to admit that I was stunned because I always thought that Zach and I had a good, solid relationship.  But, it turns out that he did a really good job of pretending that we did sometimes, and that hurt me deeply.  I, of course, told him that I was sorry that he felt that way, and he told me that William always comes first.  Ouch, another blow.  So, I went into a schpiel about William being younger and needing me more, yadda, yadda, yadda… And I explained how hard it was to work 40 hours a week and then come home and try to be the best mom I could be.  And then I looked at him as he continued to cry and realized that those were just excuses for my inadequacies as a mom.  Yes, I admit it.  Inadequacies.  And I realized just how much work I have to do to BE the intentional mother that I haven’t always been.  And now I have even more of a reason to continue on my quest to be a better, more purposeful mom.  Please, everyone (including Zach), continue to keep me accountable for my mothering.  Please and thank you!

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2 thoughts on “And we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming…

  1. Wow Brittany… I am not sure I am ready for my children to be 8 and able to tell me things like that 😦 I am praying for you. Stay strong. We are all doing the best we can. You are still there. Things are hard, but you are still there. You show up. You bring what you have and you offer it. He will understand and He knows you love him so much. I know it. He is just hurt and doesn’t understand why things are the way they are, but He will and you will get through this season. I will pray Philippians 4:8 for you and Zack tonight -that he especially could think on the good and the true and that Psalm 30:5 would be his reality in the morning. Hang in there!! Help is one the way 🙂

    • Thanks so much for replying, Shannon, and for sending up prayers! Zach has never really criticized me before, at least not in such an outright manner, so it hurt a little. 🙂 But, all I can do is the best that I can do, and I know that he is a strong little man and will be just fine, even if I falter a bit sometimes. And you are right – help is on the way!

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